hey i made a new journal. cacophonysaint

this past week:

-monitor dies

-plane crash on freeway backs up traffic, makes my bus an hour and a half late (in the pouring rain at night)

-working hellish hours

+nice size paycheck

-still haven't cashed it yet

+monitor working

-internet dies

+internet works (all in the same night, and the same day the monitor decides to work again)

-missing akoe being here (omg i am going to shoot myself in the face)

+getting to keep the demo roboreptile from the store (it's an amazing and expensive RC toy)

+naming my reptile vag badger

+new sketch(es?)

-still haven't done any art for people that i want to/started the commison for steve

-missing everybody/not talking to anyone all week

+crwn

work has been rather draining lately. holiday stress is seeping from the customers to all of us working, esp. my manager. that poor man must have an ulcer you can drive a chevy through. on top of it all, our last day of business is the 26th. merry fucking christmas. lucky me, i get to close tues. and thurs. at 12.30. i closed at eleven last night and when i got home i crawled into bed and died.
and....THE FUCKING INSANE PEOPLE OUT SHOPPING???? OH MY GOD. when you forget to hand them back a fucking coupon that expires in two more days and they throw a TOTAL BITCHFIT you have to smile and let it go. it's so hard to restrain my big mouth and not get myself fired ):

also i'm kind of stressing about finding another job, but the only concievable place (where they don't care about my appearance etc) is the porn store but my mom has screamed at me numerous times that i CAN NOT work there. wtf ever. i was thinking trader joe's maybe since they hire people with tattoos and piercings but like hell i'm going to bag groceries for people. maybe if they let me JUST stock things. i could stock.

i've been feeling so uninspired and slow lately, i want to talk with people but i can't even muster the energy to type. i need to get out of here/away from work and stop feeling sorry for myself. too bad there's NOTHING TO DO IN CONTRA COSTA AND I HAVE NO RIDE TO ANYWHERE.

i want a new username. this one was thought up in a jiffy. soon i won't be going by carrie and it would be stupid to keep a journal based on my nickname.


thinking of a new one. pondering. contemplating my options.

deathguild was last night. it was pretty slow/boring imo. i went with two guys i know (i'm barely friends with them because they are pretty boring, but they're nice and he's the only friend i have who drives so w/e). we got there around 10.30 after driving around in the pouring rain for a while looking for a place to park, but apparently we parked in a zone where they clean the streets on tues. between 12 and 2 AM. and..even though it was monday when we got there it was tuesday (1.00 AM) when we left. so besides the DJs totally sucking and playing a bunch of stupid gothy ebm, one of the guys sulking upstairs alone since he hates crowds (i have NO idea why he came along -__-), and neither of them wanting to dance (i danced alone but i'd be DAMNED if i let them ruin my night), and getting a 40$ parking ticket for parking in said zone, i still had a marginal amount of fun. i requested a bunch of songs but the only one that got played was fanatica by eisbrecher. we had to leave at 1.00 AM so i only got to enjoy the 2nd floor for an hour before we had to leave :/ there was a decent amount of fuckery going on, including a skanky-ass raver catgirl in less than a yard of clothing and wearing yarnfalls, two women completely decked out in corsets and bustle gowns (which were pretty cool, if not completely out of place), some fat chick in a rib-print shirt w/UV green arm warmers and a red/black tutu skirt and various boys/men with identical haircuts. seriously there are like three haircuts which EVERYBODY seems to have lol.
i got about three and a half hours of sleep before i had to get up and go to class, but instead of going i just went to starbucks w/jenn and while i was waiting for our drinks i passed out and woke up like an hour later...sipped some of my peppermint mocha and slowly woke up. it was nice to just sit there and chat even though we always seem to talk about the same things. but w/e there were many lulz to be had before going home....except as i was going to catch the bus after jenn went to work i was like OMG I DON'T HAVE MY HOUSE KEY and jenn lost hers ages ago so i had to sit in the mall for five hours and wait for my mom to come pick us up. at least i got a chance to pick up something for my mom for christmas and get eleven chapters into a pretty good book.

( grab a plunger )
it seemed like a good idea at the time.

got paid today. not as much as my last check but every bit helps so i'm not complaining. i just wish i could get more hours in before the store closes. at least after next week i can work pretty much all day since the semester is ending.

my bpn shirt came today. it's verryyyy cool. but a little bit see-through so i need to wear something under it.

also: alice i am pretty sure that i'll be at deathguild monday night so let me know if you're going.

I GET TO KEEP MY DREADS OH GOD ANTHONY YOU ARE AMAZING I LOVE YOU

EDIT ( because the last picture sucked here's the best one so far i have of my dreads )

my manager told me i have to take my dreads out. i want to try and bargain with him but i haven't been working there long enough to have a good reputation to fall back on.

he told me the store was 'conservative' and i needed a 'more conservative' hairstyle.




well fuck you too, mister. i have a feeling i'll be looking for a new job after the xmas season. until then i have a week to enjoy my hair before it all fucking comes out again.

i don't think i'll ever update on DA ever again well maybe to comment but srsly that place is just full of faggy anthros and anime and it's so much easier to post to my journal without having to deal with DA's mythical new submission thing that i haven't yet seen because oops wtf NO ARTS FOR U LOL.

also i'm finally starting to enjoy the way i draw and i finally feel like i'm making some fucking progress after stagnating in anthro art for WAY TOO LONG and i just want to get away from DA and meet new artists and try to fucking enjoy myself for once without being tied to a goddamn four eared purple anchor because i'm not moose anymore. i can't take that part of my life back no matter how mortified by it i am. it's always going to be there. i'm just trying to move on, push away from it, find new outlets of creativity that i wouldn't have thought of exploring with anthro art. i made a lot of stupid mistakes when i was fourteen. fifteen. sixteen. i was always trying to keep up with the trends, trying to emulate the top artists, drawing things i had no idea about just because it was what everyone else did. tring to roleplay with people when my characters had stories flatter than my bust size. dreadlocks and facial piercings and uber faggy guys? SURE THING. SIGN ME UP. i wish i could take back most everything i did. things i ignorantly said to people. the shitty things i used to draw. i was never concerned with drawing good (or improving my anatomy) because it was anthro and it was easy and as long as you met all the requirements for a gay anthro and made sure to slap a good collage of photoshop brushes or lyrics in the background it was OK. i guess what i'm trying to say is anthro art is a fucking waste of talent and time and i don't care if some people can amazingly render every fucking strand of fur on their gay albino skunk/doberman/horse mix with its dick shoved into the ass of some non-gendered cyber-lynx/ferret/squirrel monkey with binary for a name that people refer to as 'hir'. LEAVE IT TO THE CHILDREN AND FUCKING MOVE ON. no one beyond the age of sixteen needs to be drawing anthro unless you're illustrating a bestiary.

in other news my mom said she'd buy me the wacom i want for christmas and i'm like fucking yes mother i love you. i need to buy her something amazing this year. also i really want to go to deathguild sometime soon but my friend's id expired and i'm like YOU DOUCHEBAG RENEW IT SO WE CAN GO aargggh thank god it's almost thanksgiving so i can eat my weight in delicious food and goth around my cousin's town and thrift shop yom yom.

put my dreads in tonight. they are so fucking stupid looking because they're tight and really stiff, and are sticking out of my head making me look like a porcupine.

also i tried to do a sharp gradation from short to long but i think it's going to come out a lot softer and less defined. won't be able to tell for sure until they grow out a little bit and loosen up. should only take a few days. i'm so happy to have dreads again i felt so naked without them. also, they feel so LIGHT compared to my old dreads, which were hell of heavy since they were really long.

but fuck after talking with noirouze about that mullet hawk i'm like grr want. i want to be able to pop my head off and switch it out with another one with a diff. hairstyle.

i warned my boss about them but i hope he isn't like LOL FIRED at me when i walk in >_>


also, working on ref sheets even though they are largely pointless for all my characters (except maybe goodbye) because they are boring/plain designs~~~~~~~~!!!!!!

I REALLY NEED TO BUY A TABLET THIS IS GETTING REDICULOUS.

just got back from voting. i was number 179 today. those stupid felt markers they give you were making me dizzy as hell. but i've got my vitamin water handy. *\m/*

( have some half-assed sketch to celebrate )

i don't think i've ever completed a decent picture of goodbye that wasn't just his face/shoulders. just ignore the fact that his back is all fucked up i kind of just threw it in as an afterthought so it wasn't just floating arms and a head. also he's got a halo because he's a saint. not like anyone gives a damn. 8D

ever since jenn sent me that stupid video last night i've had that yatta song stuck in my head. RAAGH.

kicking off my new sketch journal with a huge dump of what i've been doing since the tablet broke. i promise it won't be this much stuff all the time.


present for leah 8D i wish i could color it.

( more sketches this way )